To be or.. not to be

Dearest Gentle Reader, 

    There is no gentle way of saying this, but let me try: vulnerability is scary, necessary but intimidating; significant yet brutal; crucial but painful. It's about laying ourselves bare, even when the very thought makes our palms sweat. No, I did not get heartbroken, because I'm way past the stage. I'd rather break hearts than get mine stomped. Forgive me, I am new to the Bridgerton world so my over-the-top attempts at being dramatic can be quite irritating. But I do love the way Whistledown writes. Powerful, witty and so so good. My sister scorned me when I proclaimed that I could be a gossip writer - I mean it's a far-fetched absurdity but why not? Once upon a time, I thought I would write a book, see my name in print and that would be it. The thought makes me cringe and smile together. It still seems a childish fantasy, but you never know. I feel someday, I might still try and write something. A bad, crappy story but still, I hope I get to finish it. Okay, coming back to vulnerability. While Lady Whistledown dishes secrets about others, vulnerability is about sharing your own. It's putting yourself out there, even when it's scary. Simply put, it means being open to people about yourself. However, if you try to google it, you come across definitions of it as a state of exposure, being wounded or hurt. These definitions are the two sides of the concept of vulnerability, for being open always involves the component of fear. Is there anything more scary than being yourself and telling others about your feelings, your innermost emotions, things you'd normally not tell anyone? What makes it scary is the fact that people can dismiss it all, and make you feel small and insignificant. Obviously, that's one part of it.

    

    Vulnerability is, was, and will always be an important tenet of intimacy in any and every relationship. The level of emotional risk involved, however, makes it difficult. It's easier to bottle your feelings than express them to someone and be misunderstood or shot down. Doesn't make that right, however, because anything that is suppressed comes out in uglier ways and most of the time, it's not an informed decision. What we can do instead, is to choose our people, choose the people we want to be vulnerable with, and try. Maybe we won't be understood fully, maybe that'll leave us bruised but at least we won't be by ourselves all the time. We will have some sense of support and that will make a hell of a difference. Sometimes, just having a person or two by your side makes a whole of difference. Even if that doesn't change your situation, you feel more comforted by the fact that you have people you can talk to. After all, sometimes just having someone by our side, someone who truly sees us, can make all the difference. I recently finished a book by Jojo Moyes called Giver of Stars and it has the same undercurrent of accepting vulnerability and being vulnerable before others. Whilst it may not change the facts whatsoever, having your people believe in you is what the story emphasized as well. Set in the 1950s when women were primarily considered objects of male desire, mothers, and homemakers, a group of women started a mobile library in an attempt to spread the magic of reading among people. It's a beautiful read, heartbreaking at times, but uplifting and earnest as well. There's a line in the book - " It takes only a moment to realize the truth of being a woman; that it doesn't matter how smart you are, how much better you are than them; it's when you realize they can always shut you up with a fist." Conversations about patriarchy and its consequences take place every day, but now and then you come across something that strikes a chord and makes you wonder if things have changed or not. Nonetheless, beautiful beautiful book. Must read for anyone who loves literature. Rambled quite a bit, haven't I, but I'll stop now with another quote from the book: “Life is complicated. Which is why finding a little joy where you can is important." This is the reason why it's important to continue doing the things you like, to feel a little happier now and then. Maybe a walk in the evening, a good book, a strong cup of coffee to begin with, or a show that makes you smile. Wanted to write a lot more but abhi ke liye bas itna hii...