Where is my Sandbox?

People who know me probably know that somewhere unintentionally and unconsciously I register and emulate details I've read or seen. Somehow some things get stuck in my head and they stay there, which might be a reason for the limited capacity of my long-term memory register but that's another story. But then is it just me? Don't we all feel affected by some dialogue we read or heard? Or maybe something from a conversation? A string of words that made us think and ponder. A phrase that we wanted to remember for a long time. Even if these were fleeting, I think it happens with some of us or maybe all of us. 

Recently I was having a conversation with someone which led to a discussion on being ambitious. I don't know why but somehow whenever I used the word or heard it, it always had a taint of authoritarian connotation in my head. It was synonymous with power, risk-taking abilities, and most importantly decisiveness and strength. Now, that I'm writing about it, it makes much more sense. For the longest of times, I always looked at ambition from this lens and a tiny part of me was scared of it. Of not being ambitious enough. What is being ambitious enough anyway? Who defines it? Can you be ambitious and oblivious of it? Is the fulfillment of goals in a trajectory the only way to be ambitious? Can baby steps still be considered worthy of being ambitious? Sometimes, the most random of discussions tend to turn into reflective learning. Being ambitious is the desire to succeed and given the definition of success varies, isn't the manifestation of the former also bound to differ? Yeah, it's nothing new. Sounds fairly simple but I've realized my reluctance to own the phrase. Fear. Falling. Fear of falling and hurting. But then whatever you do, the probability of that happening is always there, isn't it?I wish I could at least fall on sand instead of concrete. Remember the swings in the playground, there was always some kind of sand or mud below it: to soften the blow or fall. Maybe when we're adulting, we need to build our layer of sand for whatever we do. Pour in some sand for supporting our own selves. Maybe that's what adulting is all about: learning to make your sandbox instead of finding one. 

I hope this gives you some permission today, to be ambitious in whatever way you want to be. The same goes for me: I'm writing this in the hope of being able to own being my very own version of an ambitious being. On the verge of sounding theatrical and an overexcited kdrama fangirl, let's remember the cosmos flower which blooms with patience and withstands all the seasons. Digesting the preachiness might take some time so abhi ke liye itna hii...